Hate

I rode in the car in silence all the way home, waiting for her to say anything to me, waiting for her to tell me it was all okay and we would be okay and everyone was going to get better now and it would feel better. But she didn't. She tried and then she faltered, her voice started breaking and she threw her phone over on my lap and just said "Read it." I took a look and there it was, plain as day, she was looking at him, probably thinking about how much he means to her and then below it "Too bad she's fake." and then I realized it. He was already crazy about her not being real, being too good to be true. And this certainly didn't help. She turned to me with her huge eyes full of tears, "What am I going to do?" I looked at her in all her misery, she didn't need another heartbreak. And I just shrugged. I have no thoughts, no feelings. . just numbness. She was shaking so badly that I had to drive us home. That wasn't exactly safe, seeing as how i could have ran us into anything just to end it. But I didn't. I took the consideration to let her feel, and as funny as it is, I am jealous of her ability to feel this. And then when we got home she balled. But in thirty minutes she was dressed, composed and looked every inch of perfection. I admire that because I couldn't do it. 

To whoever that girl was who hurt her: Hate only ruins peoples lives. Just shut up and let them be happy. Please? She's already been through enough. 

You seem to think that by saying all the things you used to that I will come running back to you. Well I won't. So calling me beautiful, or telling me you missed me won't work this time. I don't believe you, I never did. I don't think you actually mean what you say. So if you want me to come back, you have to prove to me that you mean every single word.

This Is The End

I can't function like this. It's killing me. Make it stop. Oh, but that's right. . it never will stop. It'll be something I deal with all my life. Well, you're not helping. You aren't helping. You're not helping. How many ways can I tell you how that conversation broke me? I wanted to die right there, it'll just be someone else I lose. 

-what does that have to do with anything, you dont have to be me to listen to the words that im telling you

Because I'm not going to agree with you and you just pushing it on me only makes it worse. It emphasizes the fakeness. People only watch out for their own backs.

yeah i push you off because i get scared

im the most paranoid person right now

i pushed you off because i was freaking out

I'm not exactly the right person to take it out on.

Deal with your shit and I deal with mine.

that's what emery said, and i shouldnt take it out on anyone

I'm not a fucking dart board for all of your guys fucking issue.

issues**

think back i was asking you what your issues were so that i could try to help but that must have gotten confused along the way

I meant about your paranoia.

yeah oh well ill get over my paranoia

Don't get over it by pinning it on me, or for that matter my sister. Just saying.

i wasnt pinning it on anyone it just happened to involve you. i never said it was your fault or that you were to blame or anything so what ev

It has nothing to fucking do with me except your own god damn insecurities!

THAT IS WHAT IM SAYING!!!!! jeeze girl

8:41pm

You sure have a shit way of saying it.

my bad

Okay then.

Here's A Game You Would Like.

I'd lose. 9 times out of 10, I would lose.

It's Not That I Don't Care Anymore. . It's That I Can't.

You sent me a message last night about one of my statuses. I freaked out, you don't deserve to know everything about me. You don't deserve to know my life story because you don't care, you just want to get on my good side so she'll date you because caring about me makes you look cool and she'll fall into your arms all because you "helped" me. Fuck you. Fuck you and your fake ass feelings. What you don't know is that before I would have fallen in love with you for that because I DID have a little crush on you. But now I see how you are trying to push yourself away from me because it scares you how alike we act. Well, bitch, news flash, we've lived our whole lives together. So, get over it. And don't ever, ever, try to talk to me again because you're not helping my depression OR anxiety. You're making it worse, you're breaking me.

It's Haunting But Compared To Your Eyes...

I know I should leave you alone. I know I shouldn't regress to this. Let's not pretend that I'll ever be alone at night, let's not pretend that you ARE alone right now. You cheated on me. YOU lost ME. And here I am crawling right back into those daunting arms, the ones that held other girls when they were supposed to be mine. But I can't hide from the facts, the fact is, every time you come running back to me, asking for my forgiveness and I just look at you and I wonder how in the world we got to be this way. But then I think of Him and I realize you are a worthless piece of junk and I should leave you alone. And I will. I swear on my life I will. But when he leaves I need someone there to pull me away from you or I know I'll think we can be friends. And being friends with you will cause me nothing but more heartache because you are a lying, cheating, miserable piece of junk. And who is going to be there to save me from that? It sure as hell won't be me because I stayed with you for two months even after I knew what you'd done to me. Let's be honest, if I get to deep into this I will be wondering who's with you at night, wondering if she's the one that replaced me. If she's the one that "opened up". There's a damn good reason WHY I didn't open up to you, because you would hurt me, I was never blind to that. I knew someday, somewhere, you would break my heart. I was protecting myself. And in the end I gave you everything I had, which is why I can't give Him everything I have because you still have chunks of me. I want them back! I want to be me again, I want to have the security of knowing that I have all of me, that some pieces don't still linger in your hands, being crushed every time you breathe. I hate you so much that it hurts to know you are alive over Cameron. You are a waste of human space and I would rather have my best friend here. I don't know what to do about you. About you just leave me alone because this will be the first time in two years that I stand up to you and tell you what you really are. Don't you dare coming around here. The last time you ruined me, kissing me? You had the gall to kiss me and  try and get with me? You came to get your jacket, keep your word for once. 
The end. 

Boats And Birds

If you'll be my star,
I'll be your sky
You can hide underneath me
and come out at night
When I turn jet black
and you show off your light

I live to let you shine
I live to let you shine

You can sky rocket away from me
And never come back if you
find another galaxy
Far from here,
with more room to fly
Just leave me your stardust
to remember you by

If you'll be my boat,
I'll be your sea
Depth of pure blue
just to proke curiosity
Ebbing and flowing,
and pushed by a breeze

I live to make you free
I live to make you free

And you can set sail to the west
if you want to
Pass the horizon
'til I can't even see you
Far from here,
where the beaches are wide
Just leave me your wake
to remember you by

If you'll be my star,
I'll be your sky
You can hide underneath me
and come out at night
When I turn jet black
and you show off your light

I live to let you shine
I live to let you shine

You can sky rocket away from me
And never come back if you
find another galaxy
Far from here,
with more room to fly
Just leave me your stardust
to remember you by
 Stardust to remember you by.

It's true. I live to let you shine.