Cameron

So, Cameron I had a dream about you again. I know these things are weird seeing as how it's been a year since you've been dead. And I know that I really shouldn't think to much on it but.. You kissed me. I know that I didnt like you like that and I know that it was a dream but the point is that it was a sign that you cared and that you would always be there. Then I went to chemistry and I tried to call you and you didnt answer. I knew you wouldn't.
And now I'm sitting in PLT and we were talkin about how you are bigger than the choices that you make. You, however, weren't. Your choices killed you and left a lot of people, mainly me, floundering for a relief we couldn't find. And a year later my only relief comes in a dream and leaves me waking up, crying because I know it wasn't real.

I Win :)

I win :) that's all there is to it. Why? Because I am just that good :)

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time the world knew what they were doing, once upon a time people were people not idiots that just roamed the earth, once upon a time people were happy because they could be, not because they were forced to be, once upon a time people didn't blame their problems on something/someone else, once upon a time that world existed and now. . now are world is like Spiderman 2, everything in the end just falls to crap.
I don't want my life to be like Spiderman 2.
The end.

Heavy Lies The Crown

I've finally discovered what makes you tick,
And I can't say I miss it or that you should be too proud of it,
Now I'm driving away, wishing you would've stayed,
Know I'll never forget you, I hope things work out for you that way,
Because we've been before and it's getting old,
We've been fighting this fight never taking the time to let things grow

Oh no, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say to make you stay,
I feel like this is so surreal, I don't know what's the deal,
Wish you had stayed, wish you had stayed

I've finally discovered just how you feel,
You had fallen in love and expected a reaction,
Some strange kind of attraction,
And I didn't ask questions, no, I just ran away,
Now I'm patiently waiting for a response you'd send one day,
I didn't think anything would come of it,
But I guess I could be wrong with this,
Hey, I'm only a man, I'm only a man

Oh no, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say to make you stay,
I feel like this is so surreal, I don't know what's the deal,
Wish you had stayed, wish you had stayed

Finally we're getting somewhere,
Finding out just who we really are,
Finally we're getting somewhere now,
Finally we're getting somewhere,
Finding o ut just who we really are,
Finally we've gotten past the things we see and who we really are

Oh no, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say to make you stay,
I feel like this is so surreal, I don't know what's the deal,
Wish you had stayed, wish you had stayed

Oh no, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say to make you stay,
I feel like this is so surreal, I don't know what's the deal,
Wish you had stayed, wish you had stayed

I Will Be

I came home from school today,  completely tired and wiped out, the fight we had took everything out of me, and I wasn't prepared for me. I sat down and stared at you, I wasn't quite sure what to say so I  told you that. You stared back and said you were tired of being controlled. Sorry. I wasn't prepared for you to pull out my diamond ring and lay it on the couch, the sign that we both agreed would mean we were over. My heart dropped to my stomach, my stomach to my feet and I lost it. Why? You said you loved me, you said it then too but then you told me that we could wait and after the mission. .I blanked right there. .I wouldn't live 2 weeks without you, let alone 2 years. My mind was already whirling, thinking of which pills were available to me. Two years and five months, that was all. . that wasn't very long you said. .No. .
I couldn't breathe, I ran over and sat next to you crying into your shoulder, your head touched mine as you gave some sign you still cared and I resolved then and there that I wasn't going to let you go. I wasn't going to lose you. So i fought harder, I promised I would give you everything you ever needed and I would be the one for you, like I already know I am. I was so angry at Wagner actually, for making me this way and I immediately blamed him for breaking us apart. But I kept that to myself, and  I begged you not to leave me, I pleaded. . one chance, just one. 
Well, whoever is watching over me up there. . I owe him because he answered my prayers. .I will be everything you need, I promise. .I won't mess this one up. Ever.

Randy, Again

Gosh, kid. Please answer me, I need you. I need to know you are alive. I need to know that somewhere in the world you are still pumping blood throughout a moving body. You know, I sat on your profile for a little bit just aimlessly roaming and the long that played. . well let's just say it won't get out of my head and I can't stop listening to it. You know why I am so worried? Because, throughout it all, you never took one bit of it seriously. You didn't know how sick you were. .. are.
Dear Darrin,
I know if I see you I will get over all my fears. I know if I see you I'll know you love me and that I love you, you and only you and know that we are going to be together forever but right now, you have to understand. . my depression is holding so tightly it's almost choking me and right now I don't know any of that. Be patient with me.  Please.

My Resolution

My resolution this year is simple: live.
Why?
I am so close to danger right now, thats how it goes, the pills work after a bit but at the beginning nothing is different.
I feel empty.
I can't help it.
I feel like I'm going to lose him.
I feel like I've already lost him
This isn't going to well is it?