Dreams Aren't Always Better Than Reality

So, you are asleep on my couch right now and I wonder if you are drifting away in your thoughts or if you are really asleep. If you are thinking, what about? Everything has been so wonderful and I love you more than anything. You have been acting so. . wonderful and I have been reciprocating. You are so fantastic, you just make me happy.
I'm not stressed really, about anything. I'm just sitting here watching you, wondering if my typing is going to wake you up.
Sweet dreams kid, they aren't going to be better than reality (:

The House That Built Me

I know they say you can’t go home again
I just had to come back one last time
Ma’am I know you don’t know me from Adam
But these handprints on the front steps are mine

Up those stairs in that little back bedroom
Is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar
I bet you didn’t know under that live oak
My favorite dog is buried in the yard

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could walk around I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me

Mama cut out pictures of houses for years
From Better Homes and Gardens magazine
Plans were drawn and concrete poured
Nail by nail and board by board
Daddy gave life to mama’s dream

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could walk around in I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me

You leave home and you move on and you do the best you can
I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I walk around I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me


Funny, I took this song and thought about it a while. The house that built me wasn't my own house, my house is not even a house. It's nothing like a house, in fact, it's a person. And this person is going to leave me shortly and I'm not entirely sure how I am going to handle this. Part of me says I'm fine, part of me says that I can do it. 
Last night we were talking and I asked if it was weird to think about us getting married. You shook your head and said "It's something I realized was going to happen a while ago. I've accepted it." And in this light, your house is going to mean so much more to me once you no long live there. I think I'll do some crying, some staying, some lacking, some wanting, some thinking. I'll miss you so much. But then again I don't know if I'll lose you for two years, they say that once you've done these things it makes living with the spirit 24/7 difficult, most people come home. Part of me is sad for this and part of me thinks, well I get to keep you and we get married when I graduate. But is this being too selfish? Should I let you fly and hope to God that I can handle it? Maybe.
I thought if I could touch this place or feel it,
This brokenness inside me might start healing. . 
Darrin Robert Olsen, the brokenness inside me is starting to heal. I owe you everything.

Cameron

So, Cameron I had a dream about you again. I know these things are weird seeing as how it's been a year since you've been dead. And I know that I really shouldn't think to much on it but.. You kissed me. I know that I didnt like you like that and I know that it was a dream but the point is that it was a sign that you cared and that you would always be there. Then I went to chemistry and I tried to call you and you didnt answer. I knew you wouldn't.
And now I'm sitting in PLT and we were talkin about how you are bigger than the choices that you make. You, however, weren't. Your choices killed you and left a lot of people, mainly me, floundering for a relief we couldn't find. And a year later my only relief comes in a dream and leaves me waking up, crying because I know it wasn't real.

I Win :)

I win :) that's all there is to it. Why? Because I am just that good :)

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time the world knew what they were doing, once upon a time people were people not idiots that just roamed the earth, once upon a time people were happy because they could be, not because they were forced to be, once upon a time people didn't blame their problems on something/someone else, once upon a time that world existed and now. . now are world is like Spiderman 2, everything in the end just falls to crap.
I don't want my life to be like Spiderman 2.
The end.

Heavy Lies The Crown

I've finally discovered what makes you tick,
And I can't say I miss it or that you should be too proud of it,
Now I'm driving away, wishing you would've stayed,
Know I'll never forget you, I hope things work out for you that way,
Because we've been before and it's getting old,
We've been fighting this fight never taking the time to let things grow

Oh no, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say to make you stay,
I feel like this is so surreal, I don't know what's the deal,
Wish you had stayed, wish you had stayed

I've finally discovered just how you feel,
You had fallen in love and expected a reaction,
Some strange kind of attraction,
And I didn't ask questions, no, I just ran away,
Now I'm patiently waiting for a response you'd send one day,
I didn't think anything would come of it,
But I guess I could be wrong with this,
Hey, I'm only a man, I'm only a man

Oh no, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say to make you stay,
I feel like this is so surreal, I don't know what's the deal,
Wish you had stayed, wish you had stayed

Finally we're getting somewhere,
Finding out just who we really are,
Finally we're getting somewhere now,
Finally we're getting somewhere,
Finding o ut just who we really are,
Finally we've gotten past the things we see and who we really are

Oh no, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say to make you stay,
I feel like this is so surreal, I don't know what's the deal,
Wish you had stayed, wish you had stayed

Oh no, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say to make you stay,
I feel like this is so surreal, I don't know what's the deal,
Wish you had stayed, wish you had stayed

I Will Be

I came home from school today,  completely tired and wiped out, the fight we had took everything out of me, and I wasn't prepared for me. I sat down and stared at you, I wasn't quite sure what to say so I  told you that. You stared back and said you were tired of being controlled. Sorry. I wasn't prepared for you to pull out my diamond ring and lay it on the couch, the sign that we both agreed would mean we were over. My heart dropped to my stomach, my stomach to my feet and I lost it. Why? You said you loved me, you said it then too but then you told me that we could wait and after the mission. .I blanked right there. .I wouldn't live 2 weeks without you, let alone 2 years. My mind was already whirling, thinking of which pills were available to me. Two years and five months, that was all. . that wasn't very long you said. .No. .
I couldn't breathe, I ran over and sat next to you crying into your shoulder, your head touched mine as you gave some sign you still cared and I resolved then and there that I wasn't going to let you go. I wasn't going to lose you. So i fought harder, I promised I would give you everything you ever needed and I would be the one for you, like I already know I am. I was so angry at Wagner actually, for making me this way and I immediately blamed him for breaking us apart. But I kept that to myself, and  I begged you not to leave me, I pleaded. . one chance, just one. 
Well, whoever is watching over me up there. . I owe him because he answered my prayers. .I will be everything you need, I promise. .I won't mess this one up. Ever.