Why Twilight Sucks (:

 It’s offensive to the whole human race, there is too much face touching, and never once does it say the word ‘fangs’.  Millions of teenage girls are going to sit around, wasting away, waiting for an Edward. . but he doesn’t exist. Stephanie Meyer has brainwashed society. Either you love the vulnerable, obsessive, pale, want-to-kill-you boyfriend or you hate him and love the muscular, rugged, got-your-back best friend. And either way, you have a preference and that makes you brainwashed. And why? There is Bella Swan, which means beautiful swan and is ridiculously cheesy and a clear trait of a Mary Sue (been reading Tennyson lately, we all see what you did there!), who is clumsy, which might I add is not a flaw if Edward always catches her. And there is Edward, the flawless main character that has no deep thoughts except that Bella smells good. It is a co-dependent relationship stripped down to the bare essentials, girl “I love  you, I will change myself to be with you” and boy “I need you, I will kill myself if you leave me.” Bella’s only thoughts are “Edward is so perfect, I love him.” There is no other given reason why they love each other, she smells good and he is hot. That is teaching young girls everywhere that love is rather superficial. Another form of brainwashing, if you will, besides Bella has no goals and no future except Edward which is taking almost three hundred steps back and insulting women everywhere who fought for equality of gender. Stephanie Meyer is creating a series that is a prime example of an abusive relationship. I would never advocate for banning books, so my hope is for parents of Twilight fans to read these novels as well and discuss issues like domestic abuse, stalking, co-dependence, and the rest of Stephanie Meyer’s trickery with their teens because there is nothing ‘loving or cute’ about a guy watching you while you sleep when you don’t know he’s there.

And there are the stupid, not so serious reasons why Twilight inevitably sucks.

Despite her obviously trying, Valley author Stephanie Meyer writes horrendous pieces of literature that are not worth the paper they were printed on. Cracking open a thesaurus doesn’t make you an author.

 I want to hit Bella. Not only is the character of Bella lacking any sort of emotional depth, but she allows herself to fall into the arms of an effing vampire. Any sane person would be weary of the situation. Not only that, but she proceeds to continue a bizarre codependent relationship with him. This "I love you … but stay away from me … but come here anyway," BS that Edward pulls is just unhealthy. On that note
 I want to hit Edward. Mostly because he refuses to end Bella's life by finally feasting on the blood he's wanted for so long and thereby ending my misery. Go on! She's delicious.
Edward is sooooooooooooooooo hot! OMG! Edward is sooooo freakin' dreamy. You know how I know? Meyer makes hundreds of references to his beauty in the book. All the while, he lives up to being like most hot guys - completely vacant of personality. None of his creepy behavior (watching Bella as she sleeps, following her around so he can save her) would be tolerated if he weren't 100 percent supa-fine. Which leads to this. . .

Vampires sparkle! Who knew vampires were so flamboyant? Edward leads Bella to the top of a mountain, where he proceeds to take off his shirt to show her why he can't go in the sun. He's sparkly! Do you get it now Bella!? He can't go out into the sun because people will want to make handbags out of him! Despite that, Bella stares stupidly and tells him he's "beautiful." Surprise, surprise! Barf.

The movie has ruined two of my favorite bands. Muse and Radiohead are among the likes of likes Linkin Park and Paramore on the soundtrack. What!? The filmmakers went so far as to edit out a potentially risky Muse lyric in their song "Supermassive Black Hole." The opening line of the song "Oh baby don't you know I suffer? Oh baby can you hear me moan?" was edited down only to the first question. Because you can only moan during sex, you know.

Which is strange and apparently understandable,  because Meyer clearly thinks she's Bella. The plain, average character has five hot guys after her at any given time. Why? Because she's so virtuous and plain! Guys love that! Meyer would know.
 Bella sucks. And she's not even a vampire. She has no problem being a "strong" little sassy pants toward her parents, but she can't walk out the door without being victimized and therefore saved by the sparkly Edward.

And this: All Twilight fans are insane, proved by several responses to criticism such as… “What is your name, address and phone number, just so that i can track you down ank kill You with my super awesom vampire powers THAT I AQUIRED FROM READING THE SERIES!!!!!!!!!!”
62. And this… “do you WANT a cult of angry twilight luvers like mysef at your doorstep at night trying to behead you????? you shouldnt voice an absurd oppinion like this on the internet.”
63. And this… “you must have not read much good litterature in youre life, because if you cannot appreciate the quality of this art…..YOU ARE MENTALLY UNSOUND!!!!!!!”  (Of course, you’re right, my apologies, I shouldn’t dis this supreme magical LITTERature.

As you can see, none of this series really makes any sense, and has corrupted a world of teenage girls whos mind (and grammar) have been effected by reading these absurd books.  Eventually,  I’m sure, we will all see a mass criticism on her other books about creepy spirits trapped inside humans, I.E The Host. But I will save that for a later date (: