Boats And Birds

If you'll be my star,
I'll be your sky
You can hide underneath me
and come out at night
When I turn jet black
and you show off your light

I live to let you shine
I live to let you shine

You can sky rocket away from me
And never come back if you
find another galaxy
Far from here,
with more room to fly
Just leave me your stardust
to remember you by

If you'll be my boat,
I'll be your sea
Depth of pure blue
just to proke curiosity
Ebbing and flowing,
and pushed by a breeze

I live to make you free
I live to make you free

And you can set sail to the west
if you want to
Pass the horizon
'til I can't even see you
Far from here,
where the beaches are wide
Just leave me your wake
to remember you by

If you'll be my star,
I'll be your sky
You can hide underneath me
and come out at night
When I turn jet black
and you show off your light

I live to let you shine
I live to let you shine

You can sky rocket away from me
And never come back if you
find another galaxy
Far from here,
with more room to fly
Just leave me your stardust
to remember you by
 Stardust to remember you by.

It's true. I live to let you shine.

Moles.

 Here it is almost impossible to have a moment of silence. You have people pulling at you in all directions and (the nerd that I am) I could not think of a better analogy for my life other than Polarity. Polarity. What else could I imagine?
A mole? Not the animal, oh no, the most unnerving sense of Chemistry to every Chemist. 6.03x10 to the 23. That is one mole. But one mole varies on the molecule. Or atom, per say. If you have lithium the mole changes to 2.80x10 to the 24. This got my thinking. If moles are essentially how much something is worth, then could we count humans as moles.
Lets say an average person is a normal, set average, mole. 6.03x10 to the 23. But what if there was someone like Lithium, with a mole average of 2.80x10 to the 24? Or the lowest mole of Barium with .98x10 to the 23? Would this mass of a human be someone like a psychokiller? Someone who has built their whole life on ruining others. . But what this would fail to realize is that to find the average mass of this we would need to times their mole by ours. So, .98x10 to the 23 and 6.03x10 to the 23 would equal 7.31? x 10 to the twenty third. So, this being said I have made a revelation, through Chemistry. . Who would have thought?
Just as a mole is a piece of mass, a piece of a worth, so are humans. And just as mole we feed our surroundings, good or bad. This also being said here is my revelation. . Be careful what you do, people are always watching. Don't be the contributor to a lesser mole.

4 Months After His Death And I Wrote This.

I have never been so angry in my life, honestly. Or more depressed. I have these flickers; ten minutes of perfect serenity, and then I'll punch a hole in the wall. And then, after staring at it for a few moments, contemplating why I just hit a wall, I'll start crying about it. And this all started because of Cameron. Great, I said, I even promised, I'd never let someone control my emotions and then my best friend goes and dies. .Hmmm? Yes, well. You know, I doubt I'd be feeling this way if I hadn't let him go off and overdose without so much as a word. The last thing I ever said to him was icy, brutal. . hateful. And then he died.1

And, Charlie St. Cloud, guess what? Real people can't see dead people, no matter how much they wish they could. 2

For the past. . 4 months? I've been a wreck, an utter and complete bubble of ruin. Not to mention Randy. Great guy, very charming. But a loser. No plans, no drive, nothing. So I go and break it off, my feelings of self doubt consuming me until even the people around me know. And then he gets kidney failure. Great, am I going to lose him too? 3

I'm not sure what God has going on up there, what he's playing at, but unless somethings done soon. . I even took Tarot Cards. I don't put a lot of value in those sort of things but today, with Chelsea, I did. And what did I get? The Tower, which may I add, stands for "false concepts and institutions that we take for real." When the reader gets this card, they can expect to be shaken up, to be blinded by a shocking revelation. My revelation; God is Impossible.4

But that's not all, oh no. Go Moon! With Pisces as its ruling sign, the Moon is visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry.. it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. So, who's going to take me down this time?5

And, shall I continue? The Hermit..the card that says I should have 'a desire for peace and solitude'. Yeah well, news flash. I do. 6

So, whats left for me to say? What's left for me to do? Jump off a cliff? Maybe make some more pretty little scars? Yes, like I need that. You recover from one thing and get another. But yet, the vice is alway the same. Damn it.

The Sun Will Rise For Us, We Just Don't Know How.

Cameron, I hope for the love of god that one day I will be forgiven for all of the things that I didn't do. All of the things that I DIDN'T see. I see know all of those moments where I wasn't helping, I was hindering. . anything! I remember when you went to Bobby's house a few days later and he told me you had smoked weed, I was furious! I was so upset that you would lie to me even after I helped you, but then I calmed down and that night I called you, asking you to just listen, to just stop and smell the roses for once, to realized that drugs didn't need to be a part of anything you ever needed. You kind of had a tone with me that seemed like you were regretting everything, and I never wished more to hug someone in my life. I remember this because in ninth grade when I was so in "like" with you, you used to tell me things about how great the world was, how we all just needed to take a step back. I remember you saying this, "Goodnight Angelito, just remember, it's always darkest before the dawn. The sun will rise for us, we just don't know how." 
The sun is rising every morning and every morning I thank god that I am here to see it. The only problem is that I wish you could see it too, but you are up there with the sun, looking down with it, probably laughing when we stumble and crying with us when we break. The sun will rise for us, we just don't know how.

. Anytime you want to visit, Cam, I'll be here.

My Best Friend Is A Nerdfighter. . This Is How I Found Out.

Diddy-"That looks like a brain. . ."

Coach-"Diddy, that. . is a brain."

Diddy-"No, it's a . . .when I pee it's lime green!" 

Coach-"What the. . ."

Me- "Yeah well, I pee on squirrels." 

Duncan- "I pee on octupuses. . .or is it octupi?" 

Coach- "I'm going home. ."

Us- "Coooooaaaacccchhhh!"

Coach- "I have to go find a squirrel for Hershey to pee on." 

Me- "I have to go find an octupus for Dunk. . "

Duncan- "I have to go find a way to make my pee lime green. . meet back here at 40 hours central."

Me- "That's not even a time, Duncan."

Coach- "Practice is over, go home!"

Duncan- "Fine. . but don't expect me to come back!"

Coach- "You people are crazy. . ."

Me- "Lies!"

Duncan- "Ulcer Colitis!" 

Me- "DFTBA?"

Duncan- "What. . ."

Me- "DFTBA. . ."

Duncan With A Creepy Smile- "Warner Chilcott?"

Together- "Where have you been all my life!"

Duncan- "Let's go watch Giraffe sex."

Coach- "..."

Me- "Don't ask." 

Be Angry At God, He Can Handle It.

It was with the usual emotions teenagers feel when they're about to embark on an adventure—without their parents—that some 40 students from Elim Christian College in Auckland, New Zealand assembled on Sunday morning. Their school-holiday excursion entailed a five-hour bus ride to an outdoor center in the Central North Island, where they were to spend five days bonding with one another, developing their leadership skills and having fun.

But the experience turned into a catastrophe on Tuesday afternoon, when a sudden storm during a canyoning exercise caused the deaths of six of the students and a teacher. Canyoning, also called canyoneering, is an increasingly popular sport in which participants walk, run, climb, and swim through river gorges. All of the dead drowned when they were washed away by a flash flood.

At a special assembly in the school hall on Wednesday morning, principal Murray Burton read out the names of the dead. The six students — three boys and three girls — were all 16 years old; teacher Tony McClean was 29. Addressing an audience that included students, parents and politicians, Burton struggled to explain the tragedy to the community: "I don't mind if you're angry," Burton said. "Be angry at God because He can handle that. But keep trusting."

At least three separate investigations—one by the North Palmerston Coroner— will try to piece together what went wrong. The canyoning trip was run by the Sir Edmund Hillary Outdoor Pursuits Centre (OTC), which is reported to have had a flawless safety record since its inception in 1973. Experienced staff were supervising the Elim College children, who were decked out in wetsuits, helmets, flotation vests and harnesses. Conditions were fine when their outing on Mangatepopo River, part of the rugged, remote Tongariro National Park, began in the early afternoon.

There is disagreement about what the weather forecast had been for that afternoon. The OTC maintains there had been no prediction of heavy rain. However, a local bureau, MetService, is saying otherwise. What is clear is that at around 3:30 a downpour, described by OTC chief executive Grant Davidson as a "rain bomb," struck the area, causing an extremely rapid rise in the river's water level. It soared from 0.5 cubic meter to 18 cubic meters in half an hour, according to Davidson. "I have seen that amount of water but I have never seen it come down at that speed," he said. Trapped in a gorge, separated for reasons unclear from the rest of the party, doomed students and their teacher were swept away. All the bodies have been recovered, the last two by helicopter just before dawn on Wednesday.

The remainder of the group returned by bus on Wednesday afternoon to Elim College. The school released brief profiles of the deceased students: Natasha Bray, Floyd Fernandes, Tara Gregory, Huan Hsu, Portia McPhail and Anthony Mulder. McPhail's reads, in part: "Portia was a gentle, kind, mature girl who loved playing and coaching netball." Teacher McLean is described as "an amazing teacher who loved God, life, students and sport." Natasha Bray's father said the loss of his daughter had shaken his faith, but he did not blame the OPC. "They have got a process to go through," he said. "We don't have an axe to grind." But for the New Zealand public, the disaster may raise doubts about whether adventure activities should be a part of school education.


I follow a blog of a girl, a girl who was friends with this Natasha Bray girl. It makes me so sad to read about her feelings upon her friends death, only because I know the feeling. I encourage everyone to educate and open their minds to what is really happening and when you think people should "deal with it" I urge you to do some research, find out why they are so distraught. Things like this happen everyday and it is horrible. Rest in peace, Natasha, Portia, Floyd, Tara, Huan, Anthony and my own, Cameron.