What a horrible thing it is to think that a person is ever more than just a person. The world is full of people who are constantly imagining and constantly being misimagined.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

As For Being Happy

Tonight I found something that I hadn't thought about in awhile, his name is Randy. Randy. . something. Yeah, I don't know his last name, how pathetic. The point is Randy, he has kidney failure. I've been so wrapped up in Darrin that I forgot about Randy, and now my thoughts can't stay off of him. Randy and I were together for a few months before he got sick and once he did I ran away because the thought of being with someone who I couldn't even save scared me. And it probably wasn't fair to him, to leave him like that but he accepted it anyway. And then he asked me if we could still be friends even though I would always mean more to him to then just friends. I didn't exactly know it would be this hard.
Actually, I am all one for being happy. Really. I mean looking back it's all, be happy it's a new year. .And I should follow my own advice but I'm terrified right now. It says it has been 21 days since Randy has even touched his facebook, myspace, etc and in those 21days he very easily could have died. No one knows about me, no one knows how much he means to me, therefore no one would tell me.
Dear Randy,
Please be okay, I need you.

Oh, speaking of needing. My mom hopped me back up on anti-depressants. Hmm.

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