What a horrible thing it is to think that a person is ever more than just a person. The world is full of people who are constantly imagining and constantly being misimagined.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

I Don't Mind

I'm coming to terms that April is coming soon and April will mark a year since Cameron has been dead. Darrin says that it's been a year and I should get over it, but it's hard getting over your best friends unexpected death. I know a lot of people don't see it, they don't quite see how you could have been my best friend. You were, you were there to talk and I was there for you, as well. You understood me and I tried very hard to understand you but I guess I didn't do it well enough because I couldn't help you get over your addiction to cocaine. But I'm slowly starting to realize that it wasn't my fault you died, I couldn't stop you. If an addict really wants to do something he will. And you did, nothing will change that.
I'm also starting to realize that I'm more happy than I have ever been because I've started doing a few things. First I'm TRUSTING Darrin, that is a huge step for me because I don't trust very easily. And we are doing pretty well for all that. He is the most amazing person in the world because he understand how to handle me, he knows what makes me tick and what calms me down. It makes me happy just to hug him, just to see him. My heart jumps a little bit when I just think of him and what he does.
I'm also meditating. You wouldn't believe the miracles it does just to clear your head of all the things that you don't need to stress over. For this, Ms. Morton I thank you.
I don't mind. I'm perfectly content.

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